The soul-sucking wasteland of times square
I thought he had left my life forever. Faded into the past, where he was meant to live, as a distant memory. i’m talking about times square brian. This is the beast that was spawned out of working for the auditing-firm-that-shant-be-named in the heart of New York City’s times square. I don’t care how good of a human you are, if you work in times square, it will corrupt you at best and make you downright evil at the worst. Dealing with the people there is a job I don’t think the dalai lama could handle. So after a few weeks, naturally you cope. You learn to morph into your times-square-self and get from point A to B QUICKLY with no regard for your fellow man in the process (unless maybe its another times square bot trying to get to work like you — then you can form alliances or possibly even a speed-walking triumvirate).
C-ya tourist
That cute dutch family trying to take a family photo out front of the Good Morning America set? Picture Ruined. Times square brian just walked right through it. The group of ladies from Topeka, Kansas oogling over all the dumb neon signs? hip-checked and stared-down as you zip past them to cross the street while they decide to lolligag. Basically working in times square will make you devolve into a compassion-less entity of efficient transportation. This is not something I was proud of, it was just a fact of life (and matter of survival) when I was physically located from 42nd to 50th streets and 6th to 8th Avenues. I wonder if all those who work in times square offices are being punished for some past bad deed. However, once inside my office, I was cordial as could be, snapping back into civilian brian and letting others file into the elevator before me, or waiting an extra few seconds to hold the door for an unknown co-worker, all symptoms of my times square disease washed away as I passed through the lobby’s revolving doors.
Well….unfortunately I might need to harness the inner-evil of times square brian here in Yerevan. Unfortunately there are some Soviet-style habits left over here that are quite prevalent. CUTTING, being the primary example. Its everywhere, and totally acceptable for someone to jut in front of you in line. Apparently bribes abound as well, but I haven’t become that advanced of a participant in society yet to partake in this custom. So when I’m waiting to pay for that metro token and some 14-year old slides up and tries to take advantage of the line-abiding foreigner, think again because times square brian might have to mess you up, kid.
Good for you Brian. Sometimes we all have to find that “don’t try that shit with me” person in us. I still remember feeling that overwhelming sense of destroying all tourists when I lived in S.F. Unfortunately/fortunately, however you look at it, these feelings of being “times square brian” are there for your benefit and will aid you in your situations over there–so go ahead and drop kick the little shit!
“drop kick the little shit!”
Sarah, you always were the cool aunt. love that.
You can’t let them get the upper hand on you Biff. Next time that happens to you just try the old Gob “C’mon!” If that doesn’t work you are going to need to make a scene. Challenge someone to a foot race if you have to. This cutting will NOT stand!
Love the blog, and actually laughed out loud on this post. Keep up the good work writing and with your fellowship
Good blog, funny post, and keep writing